Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
