i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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