We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
