They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
