have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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