Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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