those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
