I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
