The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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