I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if only i could text you this smell
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
