Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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