I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
