Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
did you just send me my own nude
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
