This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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