yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
