Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
