i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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