Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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