think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
