Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
