i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
