happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
