You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
