I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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