Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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