Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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