Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
