last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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