arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
