i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
