she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
