It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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