feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
