I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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