at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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