stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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