Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
