We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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