i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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