Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i believe in u and ur pee
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
