There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
