I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
