no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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