Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
