Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
