I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
