I hate all girls vehemently.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
