my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
