I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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