also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just gift wrapped bread.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
