I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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