Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
