I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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