Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I met the friendliest cop last night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
