I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
